In a radical efficiency move Camden Council is to be replaced entirely by software with public services delivered by cash machines, parking meters and street cleaning robots controlled by an ‘artificial brain’. We can reveal today that the brain, christened ‘Theo’ by council officers who are busily coding themselves out of existence will be constructed on a quantum facility in Kazakhstan as the council reaches out to new post Brexit markets.
Asked why they had gone for a Kazakh supplier, council procurement officer Ron Abramavich said:
‘You can’t get broadband in Shoreditch and if you base it in Kings Cross what happens if it breaks when the underground is shut with overcrowding and no one can get there to turn it on and off again?.
‘It started out cheaper buying from Kazakstahn but then we realised that we still had to follow EU procurement rules so it costs a lot more’
Asked if Councillors themselves would be replaced by the electronic brain Cllr Blackhole said:
‘Elected representatives are impossible to simulate – computers are not very good at empathy and besides there is no way you could program them to do some of the crazy things my colleagues get up to.’
On Camden High Street Camden resident, Bob Vole said:
‘What about stairs? Robots always have problems with them – look at the daleks.’
In Hampstead, part time resident Camilla Otter said:
‘Will this make it easier to object to my neighbours planning application?’
The brain’s incept date is 1 April 2019.
[Picture – Wikipedia, Shor’s Algorithm]