Trump to bail out Guardian newspaper

trump hat guardian

In a surprise development Kings Cross based newspaper and website The Guardian has today announced a deal with Donald Trump to secure its financial future.  The Guardian Media Group recently announced a wave of cuts to save £54m over three years, about 20% of costs.

A spokesman for Mr Trump said – ‘We can make the Guardian great again.  Since rhetorically taking over CNN Mr Trump has enjoyed appearing on left of centre media outlets and the web traffic he generates is huge.  It seemed easier just to buy one in Europe.  We’ll be looking to build a casino in Kings Place and we’ve found some nice office space in Stoke-on-Trent for the Guardian staff.’

A spokesperson for the Guardian Media Group said – ‘The age old maxim is journalism is ‘follow the money’ and no one can blame us for doing so. The casino in Kings Place will be sensitively themed to echo the papers heritage – The C. P. Snow Slots and Rusbridger Roulette will bring a modern context to ‘They do not toil, neither do they spin.’ The Polly Toynbee Poker Room will ensure a fair deal for all (albeit in the house’s favour). This means we can at last afford the events space in Kings Cross for middle class millennial chat and nibbles the country is so desperately lacking.’

A spokesman for the Scott Trust said – ‘We hope this will lead to more coverage of poetry in the paper.’

Islington Council confirm they have an entire planning policy devoted to stopping Trump.

About William Perrin

Active in Kings Cross London and South Oxfordshire, founder of Talk About Local, helping people find a voice online and a trustee of The Indigo Trust and Tinder Foundation.
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2 Responses to Trump to bail out Guardian newspaper

  1. Alan Cranston says:

    I’m concerned. Everyone knows Trump is a closet liberal and this will merely confirm it and so make him more electable when we really need true Republican values. Though it could be difficult to find space for the golf course.

  2. The Guardian and Trump? They deserve each other! Both are racist and antisemitic. A marriage made in heaven.

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