Radical thinking in City Hall to tackle the Kings Cross gyratory has led to proposals to relocate the whole of Kings Cross to a new site East of Dunwich. The dangerous, over capacity gyratory would be reconstructed in a green field/blue water site just off the cost of Suffolk.
‘We spent £5million on the APU so far and have acquired world class expertise in land reclamation, spurious business plans and wild fowl. This way the London realises some of that value with a truly blue sky solution to the intractable Kings Cross issues. This new site will provide endless capacity for driving around in circles and is the only way we could fit in a segregated cycle lane. The 91 bus will be replaced with a Duck amphibious lander but no one will notice any changes to the 390 service performance even with a 200 mile detour underwater.’
A TfL source also said:
‘A big factor in Project Neptune (the code name for the Dunwich relocation) is the financial wheezes Kit Malthouse ‘s team cooked up for Boris Island – we made a huge investment in snorkel and flipper futures so we could have the market stitched up when it started to sink and sell them at a huge profit in TfL gift shops. We can’t get out of the contract and need to do something with them.’
It’s thought that Google might relocate to Dunwich because ‘it’s wacky enough for them’.
The Mayor has allegedly challenged anyone who doubts the plan to a game of ‘Splish-splash whiff-whaff‘ on the new site.