We’ve been tipped off that Transport for London is seeking to appoint a ‘Head of Corporate Credibility’ to help in the delivery of real projects. Our TfL source says that the job ad, to appear in tomorrow’s Construction News will explain that this is a result of the huge success of a previous appointment, the ‘Head of Politically Distracting Projects’. The HPDP has successfully distracted people’s attention with the Estuary Airport scheme that gave the appearance to hard pressed people who vote for the Mayor in SW London that the Mayor was actually doing something about flights.
Other great successes from the Politically Distracting Projects Department (set up as a deniable skunk works team in a converted public toilet) include the Cycle Superhighways, the Emirates Cable Car and the recent announcement of giant tunnel gyratory system for London. However our sources tell us that the cycle superhighways were implemented accidentally when there was a surplus of blue paint in the works department and no one can work out how the dangleway was actually built – both were only supposed to be political concepts to take people’s minds off the real transport problems in London. It is still unknown who the Head of Politically Distracting Projects is, they operate under deep cover and are thought to be a direct descendant of the planner behind Operation Fortitude.
The huge success of the Politically Distracting Projects Department has led to a credibility vacuum around TfL who will now appoint a Head of Corporate Credibility to reassure people that TfL can still build stuff that matters.
Speaking on condition of anonymity a TfL official said:
‘Well, now Bob Crow has gone the Mayor looks like Ernie Wise going it alone and needs some help. I know it’s hard to believe, but the tunnel was the final straw – there’s a plan for buses on sky hooks somewhere they keep trying to get out.’
Editors note: Apologies to regular readers, I’ve had to resort to satire as the plain facts were too ludicrous.